Illalong Newsletter 14 March 2025

International Women’s Week 2025

During International Women’s Week, our College Principal, Ms. Joanne Sheehy, and College Captain, Ellie Sinclair, shared their thoughts on the importance of empowering young people and celebrating the incredible contributions of women in our community in the video below.

Can you say NO to your children?

I recently came across an article from a few years ago, written by Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, one Australia’s most respected child psychologists. In this article, he raised a few eyebrows by suggesting many current parents are “raising a generation of spoilt brats, because their parents never say ‘no’”. Dr Carr-Gregg argues that the setting of limits is a prime responsibility of good parents and caregivers. It gives children certainty, requires them to learn character traits such as patience and resilience, and introduces them to an important social reality – not everything will go just the way you want it to, in life. Without these boundaries, Dr Carr-Gregg has argued that our children remain “infantilized”, stuck in the early stages of child development in which they are literally the centre of their known universe. Any child who is hungry, cold, thirsty or desires one of their favourite toys responds directly to these needs and becomes quite agitated when they are not satisfied. These responses are quite acceptable for a toddler who is making tentative steps in the world, but as children grow there is a need for them to realise that a healthy life cannot be lived by the same patterns.

Early on, parents and caregivers should establish clear expectations and boundaries as a means of helping their children develop firstly, into adolescents and finally to adulthood. Practical examples of this include but are certainly not limited to: when to go to bed; what to eat and when (although this is a constantly shifting set of boundaries); how to share; taking turns; and when to turn off the TV/laptop/tablet/smartphone. Having a roster of household tasks that must be done also helps children to develop responsibility and look beyond their own needs to those of others.

According to Dr Carr-Gregg, he sees that parents, over the last twenty to thirty years, have increasingly become reluctant to say ‘no’ to their children. It is understandable that parents and caregivers would want to give rewards to their children, but in his clinical practice he sees too much evidence of children turning into adolescents who are not able to satisfactorily handle the demands of the modern world. The fear of not being seen as a child’s ‘friend’ results in some parents agreeing to short-term satisfaction that may result in longer-term challenges for children. On the other hand, constantly saying “no” could lead to a child to lose hope, faith and trust in a parent.

If we have the end goal in mind - that we are raising effective, healthy, character-driven adults who will make a productive contribution to our society - then it starts with helping them to develop an understanding of limits. The simple way to help them develop this is to learn there are times when ‘no’ is appropriate, and it must mean ‘no’.

Tim Grosser | Director of Operations and Planning

https://michaelcarrgregg.com/